By Elisabeth H. Sanders-Park, CWDP, JCTC
Tough Transitions Expert – Career Thought Leaders Consortium
President – WorkNet Solutions
Email:
Twitter: www.Twitter.com/elisabethspark
Linkedin: www.LinkedIn.com/in/elisabethharney
Phone: 951-682-4881
Recently, I heard the phrase “concerned indifference,” and I had to smile because I immediately pictured the lively dynamic of working with difficult clients. Since then, I’ve found myself striving for what I like to call “concerned objectivity” (sounds more positive to me). Often we’re coming alongside people who can be a little “messy” to begin with, in the midst of a major transition that can be messy for any of us. A little “concerned objectivity” goes a long way.
Over the years, I’ve watched myself and other job/career coaches seek to balance these two vital dynamics. At times, we lean into our interactions with clients, concerned, actively listening, mentally rummaging through our bag of tricks to craft questions and a process that meets clients where they are and moves them forward. At other times, we lean back, stepping outside the interaction, objectively seeing the client and the goal, and how the two can come together. Without concern, we have a process that doesn’t consider the person; without objectivity, we have a connection that doesn’t move us to the end goal. Most people tend to lean one way or the other. What’s your tendency?
Some of us lean in too much… more than concerned, more than coming alongside, giving or losing too much of ourselves. In fact, many of us are drawn to this work precisely because we enjoy seeing people learn, grow and become. That’s not a bad thing (and what a joy that we can make living at it!). But are you too concerned for your own good and the client’s? Do you lean in too far, so keen to help that you take on their story? Do you worry, plan, and work harder than they do to make your vision for their life a reality? To what end? It’s not your life. And what piece of yourself, of your story, was discarded in a corner of the office to free up energy to carry them? Not worth it! You lose time, energy, hope, and, perhaps most importantly in the moment, objectivity. When we get too close and bring our clients home with us, we lose the perspective that makes us helpful. So, lean back a little. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, find someone you respect who is more objective, and watch them. They ask great questions, but the client must answer. They have a process, but the client decides and chooses. They’re like a card dealer who lays out options then lets the client play the hand. The primary interaction is between the client and the goal, not the client and the coach. And they do it unapologetically, without feeling like they’re abandoning anyone. Mimic them until you understand that leaning back a bit still allows for a strong partnership from which the client can effectively move forward. Plus, you’ll get to take home more of yourself so you can continue living, writing and sharing your own story.
Others of us lean way back. Perhaps objectivity has always come easily to you. Or maybe you used to lean in but got worn-out from caring (they call it compassion fatigue). Perhaps you even became resentful at giving so much and producing so little. However you got here, you tend to focus on the goal and the process, without connecting much to the person involved. Honestly, I understand, and people who lean in too much can learn from you. But, the process and goals of job/career transition are too personal not to concern ourselves with the unique experience, talents, passions, fears, goals, and personality of each client. Without out concern, how can we meet them where they are and adapt the process for them? We run the risk of assuming, rushing, and missing the subtle communications that can make all the difference. Find someone you respect who leans in more, and learn from them. What are they willing to ask that you don’t? What do they see that you miss? Even if for a while you’re merely going through the motions of concerning yourself, go ahead and lean in (physically, mentally and emotionally), and notice the results. You’ll find that rather than stalling the process or distracting from the goal, it offers clarity that can help you facilitate the process, focus the client, and reach the goal sooner. And in the end, your clients will have the sense that not only did they need a coach in this process, but they needed you… excellent at what you do, and a great match for them in this transition.
Whichever way you lean, pursue a healthy balance of “concerned objectivity.” You and your clients will benefit.
This article appeared originally in the Career Planning & Adult Development Network Newsletter.
Recently, I heard the phrase “concerned indifference,” and I had to smile because I immediately pictured the lively dynamic of working with difficult clients. Since then, I’ve found myself striving for what I like to call “concerned objectivity” (sounds more positive to me). Often we’re coming alongside people who can be a little “messy” to begin with, in the midst of a major transition that can be messy for any of us. A little “concerned objectivity” goes a long way.
Over the years, I’ve watched myself and other job/career coaches seek to balance these two vital dynamics. At times, we lean into our interactions with clients, concerned, actively listening, mentally rummaging through our bag of tricks to craft questions and a process that meets clients where they are and moves them forward. At other times, we lean back, stepping outside the interaction, objectively seeing the client and the goal, and how the two can come together. Without concern, we have a process that doesn’t consider the person; without objectivity, we have a connection that doesn’t move us to the end goal. Most people tend to lean one way or the other. What’s your tendency?
Some of us lean in too much… more than concerned, more than coming alongside, giving or losing too much of ourselves. In fact, many of us are drawn to this work precisely because we enjoy seeing people learn, grow and become. That’s not a bad thing (and what a joy that we can make living at it!). But are you too concerned for your own good and the client’s? Do you lean in too far, so keen to help that you take on their story? Do you worry, plan, and work harder than they do to make your vision for their life a reality? To what end? It’s not your life. And what piece of yourself, of your story, was discarded in a corner of the office to free up energy to carry them? Not worth it! You lose time, energy, hope, and, perhaps most importantly in the moment, objectivity. When we get too close and bring our clients home with us, we lose the perspective that makes us helpful. So, lean back a little. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, find someone you respect who is more objective, and watch them. They ask great questions, but the client must answer. They have a process, but the client decides and chooses. They’re like a card dealer who lays out options then lets the client play the hand. The primary interaction is between the client and the goal, not the client and the coach. And they do it unapologetically, without feeling like they’re abandoning anyone. Mimic them until you understand that leaning back a bit still allows for a strong partnership from which the client can effectively move forward. Plus, you’ll get to take home more of yourself so you can continue living, writing and sharing your own story.
Others of us lean way back. Perhaps objectivity has always come easily to you. Or maybe you used to lean in but got worn-out from caring (they call it compassion fatigue). Perhaps you even became resentful at giving so much and producing so little. However you got here, you tend to focus on the goal and the process, without connecting much to the person involved. Honestly, I understand, and people who lean in too much can learn from you. But, the process and goals of job/career transition are too personal not to concern ourselves with the unique experience, talents, passions, fears, goals, and personality of each client. Without out concern, how can we meet them where they are and adapt the process for them? We run the risk of assuming, rushing, and missing the subtle communications that can make all the difference. Find someone you respect who leans in more, and learn from them. What are they willing to ask that you don’t? What do they see that you miss? Even if for a while you’re merely going through the motions of concerning yourself, go ahead and lean in (physically, mentally and emotionally), and notice the results. You’ll find that rather than stalling the process or distracting from the goal, it offers clarity that can help you facilitate the process, focus the client, and reach the goal sooner. And in the end, your clients will have the sense that not only did they need a coach in this process, but they needed you… excellent at what you do, and a great match for them in this transition.
Whichever way you lean, pursue a healthy balance of “concerned objectivity.” You and your clients will benefit.
