As the long days of summer wind down,  kids everywhere are getting ready to go back to school, filled with a proportional mix of anticipation and dread. It means for them – amongst other things – homework again, new subjects to learn and new tests to study for.  They are undoubtedly thinking – “Who will my new teacher(s) be?  How will I have to behave to make a good impression?  How much will I have to study to get good grades?”

A child’s capacity to accept and adapt to change never ceases to amaze me.  As children, it is as universal a truth as the inevitable start of the school year.  It happens.  A lot.  Every September, children change teachers as they change grade levels.  Many even change instructors several times in a single day! They change friends, activities, and the foods they eat (well, some kids do that.) Because that change is expected, they can deal with it, perhaps even embrace it.  In the span of a semester, they size up their teachers, figure out the rules for getting good grades (i.e., the expectations behind homework and tests) and adapt.  It’s a recipe for success.  So why is it, that as adults, we forget this important life lesson?  Why do we think that voluntarily leaping into a different job or career is impossible?  Why do grownups get so trapped in complacency?

Even though those are a lot of whys, it all comes down to a few simple reasons. For starters, change is incredibly scary and disorienting.  It generally creates a buildup of anxiety within ourselves which we can’t eradicate through our typical coping methods (because we have deliberately taken away the familiar cues and footholds to which we would normally cling.) We have to find new ways to confront a problem or situation – which means, we have to use our brains, get creative, take a risk, and maybe make a mistake or two along the way.

There are two instinctual reactions to change, both harkening back to prehistoric times – fight or flight.  If we don’t fight, then we run or fly away from having to confront any real change in our situations.  We do this by ignoring what is happening, being passive, and refraining from making suggestions; in essence, we are cocooning ourselves as the proverbial ostrich does with his head in the sand.  (Actually, ostriches don’t do that – it’s all a myth – but as an adult, I refuse to change my beliefs about the bird.)  On the other hand, if we fight, we actively resist change by striking with negativity, destructive criticism, and sabotage. (Whoever thinks that ostriches don’t bury their heads in the sand must be pretty stupid.)

But don’t despair – what a lot of people don’t realize right away is that there aren’t just two reactions to facing up to change – there’s a whole range to choose from.  One of the more sophisticated ways to deal with it is to control it rather than have it control you.  By harnessing and guiding it, change can become a means to your goals, not a barrier to them.

When my clients are leaving a job, whether voluntary or involuntary, they generally experience the following emotional stages, similar to the grieving process:
•    Some shock and denial that the old routine must be left behind;
•    Anger that change is inevitable;
•    Despair and a longing for the old ways; and,
•    Acceptance of the new and a brighter view of the future.

Everyone works through this process; for some, the transition is mercifully quick while others, it is painfully slow.

Kurt Lewin, who is often recognized as the “founder of social psychology”, proposed a three-stage theory of change commonly referred to as Unfreeze, Change, and Refreeze.
During the first phase of this theory – unfreezing – people start bypassing their own constructed defense mechanisms, dismantling existing mind sets and overcoming inertia.

In the second phase – change – when the dust from phase one has yet to settle, people find themselves momentarily nonplussed; things are confusing and as a reaction, they shift into neutral gear. That is to say, they don’t move back to their comfortable old ways yet they haven’t started to move forward – they are unable to start anew. This in-between state is so full of uncertainty and confusion that simply coping with it drains people’s energies, and, as a result, they are driven to get out of it. Some rush ahead, leaping into (often any) new situations, while others back-pedal and retreat into the past. This is where the real energy of transition is found and real transformation takes place.

Once a person is able to move forward, the mindset is crystallized and stage three – refreezing – is established.  Comfort levels return, as people have adjusted to the new environment and their behavior reflects their adaptation; however, this can be disconcerting — it puts one’s sense of competence and value at risk.   For example, the new employee who is succeeding can feel like a fraud, will I be found out?

It is critically important during a period of change that people take stock of what they can control. It will reduce their stress, and the truth is, we can control much more than what we can’t control.
What we can control: how we behave or act, our thoughts, our choices, our contribution and performance at work, what we say to others, positive or negative input.
What we cannot control: decisions by top management, other people, consequences of our behavior or actions

If you are contemplating a change in your life, perhaps in your job, or career, marital status, location or anything else, here is some general advice:
    Recognize why you are uncomfortable
    Acknowledge that change is constant
    Keep your expectations realistic
    Use and grow your coping skills
    Exercise, even just a little (it helps keep stress levels down)
    Relax your body
    Calm Your Mind
    Hold that pose!  (See my last blog article.)
    Use distraction
    Use additional resources as needed
    Remain upbeat and positive
    Never become complacent
    Find out what’s waiting in the wings

Let’s use our kids or our own experiences as children as role models for coping with change. Buy new clothes for the first day, make your lunch, work through the stomach ache, listen and ask questions of your new teachers and come home excited about what lies ahead. If adults were to anticipate a new boss every year, wouldn’t we embrace it too?

“Nothing limits us except ourselves; for the truest aspect of every person is unbounded potential.” Deepak Chopra

On a flight from Salt Lake City to Minneapolis a few months ago, I struck up a conversation with the man sitting next to me. Always curious as to where someone is from and what they do for work, I discovered that Gary has been a registered nurse for a number of years. It turns out that after high school, he enrolled in a pre-dentistry program. Thinking it would be a crap shoot getting into dental school; he shifted gears and graduated with a degree in business administration. After trying his hand at a variety of careers, including seasonal park ranger in the Porcupine Mountains of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and machine operator/machinist, Gary decided to pursue his long-held dream of working in the medical field. A lay-off allowed him to re-train for a different career which facilitated his move into nursing.

Gary felt that nursing seemed natural for him and knew he would be good at it. Nursing allows him to live in a small community in a somewhat remote area that he loves while helping his neighbors and friends recover from an illness, injury, or surgery and take care of the family and survivors of dying loved ones. Gary says, “I’m able to let them know that I care and allow them to feel more at ease with a familiar person helping them through difficult times. I know that makes a difference to them.”

According to Gary, “Whether it’s me as a male nurse, or it’s a female nurse, I think we all know our limits, our strengths, and our weak points, and are able to do our jobs, based on them. It all pulls together for the best possible outcome for the patients.” 

“Nursing is not for everyone, but there are a multitude of options or areas in which to work,” says Gary. He goes on to say, “I would encourage any male to consider nursing if they are at all interested in the medical field. They can always continue on and expand their interests with the options that are available, whether it is as a nurse practitioner or physician assistant.”

I recently read that the need for registered nurses will grow by 580,000 over the coming decade due to the 80 million baby boomers reaching retirement. Nursing will continue to be a high-demand career for years to come.

This blog is for career coaches and counselors along with others who help clients and students explore career options and for job-seekers and career changers who may want to consider other career choices. I’ll provide insight into the benefits and challenges of non-traditional careers, e.g., those that are either male or female dominated. And, I’ll share best practices, trends, case studies, and interviews of women and men working in non-traditional careers.

What is a non-traditional career?  A non-traditional career is defined as one where more than 75 percent of the workforce is of the opposite gender. Basically it’s a career that is either female-dominated or male-dominated. Some examples of non-traditional careers for women include: architect, carpenter, pilot, and mechanic. Non-traditional careers for men include: paralegal, nurse, dental hygienist, and elementary teacher.

For many years now, there has been a push by the government, including the Department of Labor and the Department of Education, to move more women into non-traditional careers. The main reason? Higher pay! These types of careers typically pay 20-30% higher wages (or more) than the traditional “pink-collar” jobs women most often pursue. More recently, men are being targeted to consider a non-traditional career. The growing number of baby boomers reaching retirement age has led to a critical shortage of nurses. Men can help fill that gap.

With the benefits of non-traditional careers also comes its own set of challenges. As a project coordinator on a grant from the Dept. of Labor, I helped move more women into the auto service industry, as auto service technicians, aka mechanics, and service advisors (those that write up the repair order). When meeting with service managers at auto dealerships, I faced resistance to the notion of hiring women in these positions. One service manager actually said to me, “We hired a woman once and she didn’t work out.”  I was astonished. Apparently he felt that that one particular woman represented all women and forgot about the men who didn’t work out. Women aren’t alone in facing obstacles in regard to non-traditional careers. Gender stereotypes about what is considered “men’s work” and “women’s work” is still ingrained pretty heavily in our society. 

The bottom line? I think it’s important for individuals to be aware of all of their career options.

This is a joint post by Clinical Career Counselors and Licensed Mental health Counselors, Ilana Levitt and Donna Sweidan

As Mother’s Day came and went this year, I thought about all the women I know, clients and friends alike, whose careers have been impacted by having children. I’ve seen mothers struggling with career issues in many different ways – from stepping out of the work force, reducing to a part-time schedule, and transitioning industries – to accommodate their family life.
Working mothers face a bevy of practical issues surrounding their careers and families. Should I re-launch my career? Should I go back to school to learn new skills? Should I trust strangers to take care of my children while I’m at work? The resolutions to these questions are seldom 100% satisfactory or easy; most women go through a great deal of emotional conflict even if they know what they want to do. We are bombarded with two, recurring and frustratingly contradictory messages: “Go back to work, the economy is bad, households need to be dual income, husbands now do more to help, women can do it all!”, and, “The first few years are critical to bonding, stay at home, make sacrifices, our mothers did and so should you!” Society doesn’t help, since preschools close at 3:00 PM, school plays start at 10:30 AM, and teachers get out early for holidays — is anyone thinking about the working mother?
Take Nancy, for example: she is a single mother with two children, ages 5 and 8. She works 30 hours every week (which she went through great pains with her employer to negotiate this schedule), and finds time to juggle sports, class trips and doctors’ appointments; but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Her kids and other mothers want her on the PTA as well. When it comes to balancing a career and family, whatever decisions she or other working mothers make, there is a tendency in our society to blame the mom for her children’s woes. If she chooses to work instead of staying at home; if she decides to breastfeed her baby instead of using formula; if she buys the cheaper diapers over the premium ones, should negative consequences occur, the blame will fall mainly on her shoulders.
The field of psychology has evolved, however, and helps us understand that disappointment in our parents is a normal and healthy developmental process. Theorists and psychologists have rightfully explained the idea of the “good-enough mother”; she is the imperfectly attentive mother who does a better job than the “perfect” one who risks stifling her child’s development. I have seen both male and female clients who are crippled by decision-making because they had parents who made every decision for them. What did they all have in common? They had stay-at-home mothers.
Advice for working mothers abounds, of which the most usual kind run in the vein of – be confident; don’t be intimidated if you are returning to the workforce after a long absence; evaluate your career options; try to take on consulting assignments; network and market yourself; channel family support; be aggressive. But is this the right kind of advice? I don’t think so.
It’s not that it’s bad advice, all of those tips are very good, but it just isn’t geared towards the segment of women who need guidance the most. The women to which this advice would apply are probably already following it – they have a clear idea of what they want to do and how to get there. The mothers who need advice are the women who have stopped working after their children are born, and, whose entire identify is centered on being “Jake’s mom” or “Brian’s wife”; while they love the family members they take care of, they want to be more than an extension of someone else’s character. The problem is (and this is where they need help and support), they have absolutely no idea where and how to begin. These women are emotionally stuck.
I can relate it to the Yoga Obstacle #8 Alabdha-bhumikatva (that was mentioned in the last blog): Being victims of our own discouragement. We become victims when we perceive failure. Women who choose to stay home haven’t failed professionally, yet the workforce seems foreign and impossibly out of reach. For these women, identity is the cornerstone of the battle. At 35, 40, 45 years of age, they are contending with career identify issues that 20-somethings struggle with. This is true for women who first had careers before they children and who don’t perceive ‘going back’ as an option. To work towards defining themselves, these mothers have to begin a ‘letting go’ process – first by attempting to see who they are outside the home, by allowing their children to think and make decisions on their own, and, by realizing that if they aren’t available for every doctor’s appointment, or soccer game or school play, there will ultimately be a growth lesson in that. These women have to start by re-defining themselves, thinking about their full identify and slowly getting reinforcement and recognition from external places outside the home. Be aware that this can be an arduous long process and should not be misunderstood as failure. These mothers will also be fabulous role models for their daughters, who need to see that the working world is possible at any stage of a woman’s life cycle.

A recent study done by the Catalyst has found that women MBAs still earn less than their male counterparts even when their career background, experience and education are the same. In addition, the research has found that men are more likely to attain senior-level executive and C-level position twice as fast as women.

Now these findings really bothered me because on one hand, there are plenty of professional and executive MBA women making significant contributions to the corporate world, so why are we coming up short? While we can certainly agree that bias and gender discrimination still exists in companies, I am a big proponent of executing deliberate, proactive strategies to minimize career obstacles and consistently chip away at the proverbial glass ceiling.

I challenge you with these questions:

Did you negotiate your salary, benefits and total compensation package before you accepted your current position?

Studies have repeatedly shown that professional men are eight times more likely than a woman to negotiate their salary before finally accepting an offer.  If you are actively job seeking, take the extra steps to conduct research, talk to other professional women AND men in the industry and have a solid salary range in mind before accepting a job offer.

– Support your case for a higher salary based on your experience, proven qualifications and the value that you bring to employers. 

– Develop a Critical Leadership Initiatives document to use as a leave behind document in interviews and as vital tool in your negotiation process. Do more than say you are qualified, provide solid, quantifiable achievements written in a Challenge-Action-Results format.

Have you had a direct conversation with your boss to express interest in new projects or upward mobility?

As much as we have made progress as professional women, there are still companies hesitant to promote women, give them out-of-town projects or recommend them for new roles that require long days and weekend hours. We can certainly spend a lot of time arguing against that thought process, but unless you speak up and let your interests be known, you will continue to get overlooked for career growth opportunities that you are more than qualified to handle.

– As part of your annual review process, do more than develop current “job-specific” goals; take the discussion to the next level and talk about the skills and qualifications that you need to take you to the next level.

– Focus on direct questions like “What additional experience, qualifications and skills do I need to advance to the next level?” or “What is the next step in my career path?”

– Establish clear, realistic career goals and objectives so that you don’t wake up one day and realize that you have been left behind.

 More importantly, don’t expect your boss to read your mind, if you want a promotion, new challenges or more responsibilities, then speak up.

Do you regularly solicit feedback and recommendations from your boss and other colleagues?

Okay, so this is the part that no one likes – we don’t mind hearing the praises, but when it comes to criticism, we want to run for the hills. Constructive criticism and feedback on our performance, speaking abilities, interpersonal skills and team interactions are what women MBAs need to be competitive.

If your idea of climbing the corporate ladder means that you show up on time every day, work really hard and be nice to everyone, you will be disappointed time and time again. Your personal brand and professional reputation depends heavily on how others perceive you – your easy-going, “don’t-rock-the-boat” approach may seem fair to you, but may get you overlooked as a leader where the company expects you to make tough decisions.

– Conduct a 360 assessment every year and send out the survey to colleagues, family members, friends and current/former bosses.

– Pay attention to the most common adjectives used to describe you and your personal attributes and determine your areas of improvement and opportunities for personal growth.

You have completed your MBA degree, you have made a solid commitment to your career, and you consistently work hard – all the smart steps for long-term career growth and success, right? Wrong.

Despite the increased representation of women leaders in the business world, surveys from Catalyst (a research organization that supports the advancement of women in their careers) have found that only 15% of officer-level positions in some of the largest companies are occupied by women.

So how do you make significant strides to move beyond the “glass ceiling” and overcome any career obstacles when hard work alone is not the answer? Well, it starts with having a good understanding of your work environment, making deliberate shifts in your mindset about career success and embracing effective career growth habits from a very early point in your career.

Increase Your Professional Voice

If you are silently plugging away at desk, putting in very long hours and going beyond the scope of your job responsibilities, that is very admirable. However, it does nothing for your career path if your actions and efforts go unnoticed. While being humble is noble, you must become a public relations expert for your own career.

– Take advantage of opportunities to participate in meetings, readily share your ideas with colleagues and frequently make references to special projects or assignments that you are working on.

– Learn the language of confidence – don’t lose your audience in a sea of “uhs” and “ahs” – make a practice of starting sentences with phrases like:

I feel strongly that…

My experience suggests…

I recently observed…

My idea is…

I recommend…

– Join a local Toastmasters’ group to improve your verbal communications skills and increase your comfort level with public speaking.

Promote Your Brand & Career Achievements

Unfortunately, the ability to “boast” of career achievements and actively promote personal strengths continues to be an area of challenge for many professional women. Traditionally, we were raised to be modest and told that “bragging” was somehow inappropriate or unacceptable for women.

However in today’s competitive and evolving workplace, if you are not consistently communicating your personal brand and referencing past career achievements and individual contributions, you are in a disadvantaged position for promotions, salary raises, bonuses and high-profile projects. It is critical that not only your immediate boss is aware of your value proposition, but also the company’s vendors and clients.

– Maximize popular social media tools and resources to build and maintain a strong online brand identity; at minimum, you should have targeted profiles with LinkedIn, VisualCV, Google, Zoominfo and Twitter.

– Chronicle your career achievements carefully; take inventory of your progress every quarterly and compile a Word document that summarizes your contributions to the company.

– Think carefully about your contributions not only in terms of new revenues, cost savings, customer acquisition, new market share, public relations and staff leadership, but also focus on anything you have done to make the company or your department perform better.

– Don’t overlook leadership opportunities outside of the company through non-profit, community and civic organizations that would provide you and your personal brand with more visibility.

– Get involved in a cause that your company supports and funds like United Way or American Cancer Society so that you can expand your network beyond your immediate department colleagues.

Build A Support Team

You can have all the resources in the world and read through every book and article on leadership in the corporate world, but it can never take the place of a supportive network of personal and professional friends.

– Identify another well-connected, successful woman leader within your company or your industry/profession who can serve as a mentor. Mentors are essential for long-term career success as that person can help “sell” you for major assignments, help position you for promotions and serve as your personal cheerleader as you advance in your career.

– Build a large, diverse strategic network; don’t limit your connections to only people who work in your field. Instead reach out to other individuals who can offer a different perspective and often valuable insight on your career challenges.

– Join a professional and/or industry organization that focuses on career development and leadership issues for professional women. For example, check out the National Association of Women MBAs.

Overall, true career success will not happen overnight, but it will happen. It takes careful planning, a strong desire to grow and an open mind to try new strategies if the old ones are simply not working.